1. Joe Biden is considering a run because as VP, he knows the possibility of Hillary Clinton becoming damaged by the myriad of "inquiries" is real.
2. Iran will get a nuclear weapon.
3. The real racial conversation that all the professional class of politicians, news pundits and corporate leaders are clamoring for, is not being had. And they don't have the balls to say why.
4. Patrick Kane may fall----- hard.
5. Why are pundits so dumbfounded by the success of Donald Trump? Or are they simply afraid to say that he is an insufferable prick, supported by insufferable pricks?
6. Fox News still is a major powerhouse. But my strong feeling is that it is the beginning of the end. This period will go on for a long time, but it is coming.
7. Who will disabuse most of the adult voters in the United States of the notion that their country isn't Socialist- and actually has been so since Franklin Roosevelt was President?
8. I am pro Israel for the right reasons. But they have crawled into the world's domestic politics for too long and a new wave of anti-semitism is in a growing stage. 
9. Most of what we fear the most, has happened before.
10. Not sure of the real truth? FOLLOW THE MONEY.

It's been a fairly long time since I have posted here. I have missed you. Let's stay in touch. 

Just checking

Have you missed me?

That festive holiday season

Certainly, the period between now and the first of the year will be more than interesting. Everybody's playing for keeps and the clash of wills might prove to be fascinating. Let's list a few things in order of importance, (to me at least)

1. Cub free agent signings or trades
2. Immigration
3.The Middle East
4. More "kids in the sandbox" moments.

It should be entertaining.

Incidentally,which wolf are you feeding today?

A better course taken

Three things come to mind. First, the song I can't get out of my head is Oscar Peterson's Nigerian Marketplace.

I think all democrats in congress should switch parites and inform their respective leaders that they will caucus with the Republicans effective immediately.

Third, I have heard quite enough of the cockamamie claptrap about "taking our country back". I asked recently who took it and where were they hiding it? I got no response. Yesterday I was firmly opposed to "states rights" since it is code for nothing good. But with 30 Republican governors, gerrymandered, bulletproof districts and stacked legislatures from the state house all the way down to the local student council, I think it's time to give them what they want. 

When congress convenes in January, I would like to see an entirely Republican (RINO, Tea Party, Reaganesque) chain of legislative command. Disband all federal agencies that Rick Perry called for (including the one he couldn't remember), make them self sustainable (Cut off all Federal aid). This will not be easy but with a little nonpartisanship, it can work. Let them be responsible for all the things they say they hate about the Federal Government. 

Please indicate your support by telling everyone you know, to read this. If I get hundreds of page visits, I will make a You Tube video. It will go super viral, we will start a movement that creates an independent party that will rise like a Phoenix out of the ashes of unfettered Republican rule. Once the results are unmistakeable that trickle down economics didn't work, dropping a nuclear weapon on Iran didn't work either, our no choice, their way or the highway society collapsed of its own absurdity. When all the Hollywood actors move to Canada and we're forced to only watch movies with Jon Voight, Angie Harmon, Vince Vaughan and any other Republican leaning sympathizers, with Dinesh D'Souza directing them----

I could go on. It's been a rough week. It's kinda like the sign on my accountant's desk:
I can only take care of one person's needs per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Have a wonderful weekend. If the Vikings score 50 points on the Bears Sunday, I personally know 43 die hard fans who will blow their fucking brains out. 

Work with me. Let's start a movement to cleanse the world of progressiveness. Think of all the Brie and Spanish Sherry that will be unconsumed.

Fun numbers.

December will bring the last opportunity for those who date checks or other written things with the 2 digit numeric month, date and year. On Saturday December 12th, the date will be 12/13/14.

No politics today. Sounds like we're all getting sick of me writing about it.

Quick Question

Large energy companies continue to enjoy huge subsidies no matter how large their profits are. The same applies to farming concerns, sometimes referred to as agri-businesses.
The NFL will make nearly 10 BILLION dollars this year. Yet, it will pay few taxes
The same applies to Major league baseball. The same applies to the Catholic Church.

So, why the fuck is the SCOTUS once again hearing a case that could shred the Affordable Care Act? Given the double standards that are pretty rampant, wouldn't it be better to fix this law than to destroy its intent?

Just askin'

July 16th 1964

Google Barry Goldwater's acceptance speech to the Republican Convention. Chilling, amazing and if you're looking for a back drop to where we find ourselves these days, in my opinion, look no further.

It's not the economy, stupid

Famous words from Clinton war room advisor James Carville in 1992. Running against George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton's advisors said they were going to focus on the economy like a laser beam. By the way, that laser beam thing makes the never again list. So, when Carville was asked what the the main focus of the campaign was going to be, he simply said, "It's the Economy, Stupid." They campaigned on it and won because the voters perceived that once in office Clinton would do everything to improve it, get people back to work, a chicken in every pot and pip pip.

Which brings me to my third reason for the recent election results. In exit polls, people said their main concern was the economy. But I don't think they were telling the truth. It's race. And it has been from the moment that Illinois' Junior Senator won the Presidency in 2008.

Many people lie to exit poll questions. Anything that might explain the real reason behind a political moment and people will not be truthful. It's in their nature to be obtuse because that will be their way to fuck with the process. People have a love/hate relationship with process. So after their mailboxes, inboxes, e mail boxes and voice mails are filled to the rim with poitical messages, they've pretty much had it. So a certain segment of the populace doesn't want to admit that they're uncomfortable with a black couple in the White House; maybe even having voted for the guy. But I think it's fair to say that the majority of the AWC* are the ones who aren't comfortable and they probably are also Republican. 

It is my opinion that we face a "Watts" or "Detroit" moment in the near future in St. Louis. That would be terrible but I do not think the Grand Jury empaneled in the investigation of the shooting of Michael Brown will bring an indictment against Officer Darren Wilson. And that is and was on the minds of many voters.

This Anglo Saxon nation is changing color and character. It is becoming more brown, black, purple gay, pro pot and anti establishment. There is an article proclaiming the burning of the old Democratic hold over the state of West Virginia. The leader of the Republican party said that because white democrats were dying off, it was ripe to turn completely red. The entire national election was maybe the last big red statement. That remains to be seen of course, but the change is clear. Whether it will translate to huge future wave elections also remains to be seen.

So let's review my big three causes for the results of this election.

1. Fear (Ebolaisis) and a lot of other things too.
2. The Runaways- Democratic candidates who ran from Barack Obama like he "stole something." ... and paid dearly for it with the voters. And deservedly so.
3. Race, not huge anxiety over the economy. That was the Politically Correct thing to say, but anxiety about race and its cultural serpentine movements and impending explosion is the reason that most people are not willing to speak in real terms about yet. 

*Angry White Community. Or you can substitute Community with Christians.

It's Saturday and it's been a tough week to comprehend. I hope I'm wrong about #3 but I don't think so. 

The runaways

Democrat candidates ran away and they paid for it. Republicans were going to vote Republican anyway. All the people who would normally have voted for you, saw your cowardice and stayed away because they saw that the people who asked them for their vote ran from the leader of their party when he needed them to stand up and say (too loudly) "fuck you. I have my President's back". Shame on you assholes. Losing was was your reward for cowardice. But you still get your pension and your gold plated healthcare coverage, don't you. Ah, what the hell. You'll write a book about your pain or go to work for a lobbyist or a think tank so that when you go on MSNBC, Chris Matthews can interrupt YOU.

This was a really important election and you fucked it up. And people saw you do this and couldn't vote for you. So, while you spend the remainder of your lame duck career lamenting and soul searching, know this. You ran away from a good man. He'll forgive you. I won't.

And you SUCK!!

And look at what you left us to deal with, politically and policy wise. A congress full of angry people with the power to continue to obstruct and say no to every common sense policy that your leader has championed. Proud of yourself?

I had to hold back to make this at least seem reasonable.

Ebolaisis

I explained that something was rattling around in the back of my brain regarding the election and I needed some quiet time to sort it out and do some research.

From October 15th until election day, estimates are that GOP candidates ran negative ads that mentioned Ebola and ISIS and that number exceeded 1000. These ran in all markets and dovetailed nicely into the pre 10/15 staples of laying the evils of the Affordable Healthcare Act, IRS, Benghazi, NSA, lawlessness and the assault on the Constitution upon a man who wasn't  on the ballot. Polling indicated that the economy was number one on the minds of voters, but I don't think so. Too obvious- too easy. No, it was something subliminal that fed fear and anxiety.

Responding to these dog whistles, most of the practicing (and keep practicing, because you need to!) media reported on this late trend, calling ISIS and Ebola the possible "October Surprises". 

The main reason was that Democrats, long known for their vaunted ground game, didn't get their voters out, which didn't really matter because by this time, the exhaustion of the campaign and the coverage had all but guaranteed the subsequent result. 

Anyway, it really doesn't matter. When you win, you have the right to dance in the end zone. But the game itself is long and after the glow of your success wears off, you have to govern. There are other reasons and as time permits, I'll throw a few more out, but for now, my dark choice was Ebolaisis.

See if you agree.

 

The day after

Did you hear we had an election yesterday? Yes. And the results were a little stunning. I just got back from North Carolina last night, where I thought there might be a different result. Nope. May I have a day to soak all this in? I'll post tomorrow, but even people I don't agree with, but talk to rationally anyway are agreeing about the head-spinning/scratching results. Obviously things broke in a dramatic way about 2 weeks ago and the results last night reflected what started to happen. I want to do a little research because I think I know what it is, but it never pays to sit down to post something without having reviewed the circumstances before coming to some conclusion.

But as I leave you for today, a slight correction. The Bears were in a "bye" week so hoping they would go up to Green Bay and salvage their season won't take place until this coming Sunday. Sorry. It's the age thing.

See you all tomorrow.

Please Vote

I am taking a couple of days off, heading to my North Carolina farm to do some winterizing of the house there. Should be back Tuesday.

Please vote on Tuesday, if you haven't already. If the Senate swings to the GOP, there will be some very unpleasant days ahead leading up to the 2016 elections. The ACA will be struck down in a pro forma way and that bill will go to the President's desk . He will veto it of course, but millions who have never had medical coverage may end up losing theirs. Any semblance of legislation will be blocked by the Majority leader of the Senate. It might not be Mitch McConnell, but nonetheless, whatever the GOP bitches about Harry Reid doing or having done to thwart their legislative return to the 17th century, believe me, they will do.

You may have a Sarah Palin type woman as Iowa's first female Senator. She carries a 9MM pistol with her at all times to protect her and her family and she has said, in true Sharron Angle fashion, she might use it to defend herself from a federal government who will force her to do things she doesn't want to do. Cue the black helicopters. This is the most toxic and dangerous candidate out there in my view. The utter difference between many years of Tom Harkin and the impending foolery of Joni Ernst is pretty scary. Iowa. You're better than this. Please come to your senses and deny this idiot her fifteen minutes. 

Good luck to Michelle Nunn, Rick Weiland, Jeanne Shaheen, Kay Hagan and Bruce Braley. Good luck to Mark Udall who is fighting against a candidate who favors a personhood amendment. I'd hold my nose and vote for Mark Begich, Mark Pryor and Mary Landrieu, because the alternative is almost as scary as Ernst. It is inconceivable that the Koch Brothers can pour enough evil money into Minnesota to defeat a decent legislator for his constituents, Al Franken. But even that race is close, so don't be complacent. Vote for common sense ballot initiatives in your state that will keep it in the 21st century. You have no idea of the desperation of the tea party or the RINOs. There is a difference between them, idealogically, but not as much as you think.

Anyway, you get the idea. If you don't vote, don't bitch about what will happen in the future. Because it will happen if these monsters get their way. And the worst thing about it, is that the 1% will have stolen elections with secret dirty money-- and not give a rat's ass about you or your loved ones.

And finally, I called that sniveling little shit head, Mark Levin a liar this week. I meant it. Tune him in on the radio someday to find out where the opposition wants this country to be. Scary. And Halloween is over. 

Condolences to the former Cubs manager, Rick Renteria. But I welcome Joe Maddon as the new Cubs manager. That was a tough call and Ricky can weigh his options and chill out because he's going to get paid for not being the Cubs manager for the next two seasons. 

I'll be posting again on Wednesday and we'll see if the country actually did what the pollsters say it's going to do;Mainly add by subtraction. So take time to exercize your right to chosse who your leaders are- sad bunch that they are. I hope you don't get your vote shitcanned because of draconian voter ID laws.

Enjoy the weekend. And go Bears. Let's go up to Lambeau and make a statement there.
 

I voted

I will be out of town on November 4th so I took advantage of early voting today. I was asked for my address. I gave them a picture ID because I don't have an issue personally about proving who I am. It occurred to me I do have an issue whereby a polling official can ask you to provide an ID if they want to. I didn't have time to crap around. Like most voters, it doesn't fill me with pride anymore, but I am grateful that I am enfranchised to do so and really hate that in many states, ruling political parties (who know who you are) have made the ability of many to vote very difficult. I like early voting because it is short and sweet (once you've proven who you are) and compared to long lines on Tuesday, it's an easy choice. It obvious to me that shortening the dates where people can vote early (coincidentally in red and swing states) is an attempt to suppress the vote- particularly among minorities, the elderly and the low attention span voter. We have heard that states would get draconian about the ease of voting and they have. However, for all of the millions that are spent on billboard and printed ads , I have long held and written often, that monies should be deployed to make certain that people who might face disenfranchisement due to the wishes of ruling legislatures, bent on denying such rights, get an ID and are driven to the polls by the parties "ground game" experts. The onus has been on them and I hope they did just that, because if you listen to the polls and the fire predictions for next Tuesday, you would think that all is lost. The GOP and Mitt Romney in particular, and all the Dick Morris and Karl Rove types were dead certain that Romney would win the Presidency by 4 to 7 % points in 2012. Ah, the ground game. And wasn't the result sweet on November 5th and beyond when Rove had to 'splain to his donors why they flushed millions of dollars down the commode when he promised them it would be money well spent. I shed not a tear. That same little turdblossom was on Fix News today confidently ginning up his low info base already announcing the results of early voting in, shall we say, "key" states. Of course it is overwhelmingly Republican.

It's different this year. I posted all the reasons (including the ones I made up) that everything that goes on in the world, is Barack Obama's fault. Nonetheless,  it just feels like the haters have prevailed and there is so much anger that people are angry and not very careful about whom they take their anger out against. Well, except the skinny Kenyan Commie Community Activist and his cheeky wife who tells our kids what they should and shouldn't eat. Damned Marxist, Socialists, taking our guns away. taxing the rich so that the poor can get more free stuff. Hobnobbing with Fat Governors from Hurricane stricken states.  Damned Golf obsessed, imperial "dear leader" who keeps his shmeckle in his pants and tries to end wars that have gone on too long. How long? If you had a kid back when and he's studying for his bar mitzvah today, a war was started on the day he was born and still isn't over. That's how fucking long!

This is my last appeal. Please vote. Just not for Eliot Cutler up in the great State 'O Maine.
Just kidding Eliot. Of the very small percentage of people who read my ravings, you sort of know how you line up on issues. Don't Vote for them. Vote for You. You're the best reason not to stay home or sit this one out. It's really important. 

Let's play scapegoat and really fornicate this country

Everything written herein is Barack Obama's fault. 

I can't find a job, so... 
I found a job but it wasn't what I wanted, so...
My congressperson is an uninformed liar who ignores my opinions, so...
My kids are addicted to junk food , so...
I voted for a President who would end 13 years of constant war, so...
The media doesn't cover real news; just what they think the public wants, so...
My food stamps benefits were cut, so...
There are too many guns in the hands of unstable people, so...
I'm black and I haven't been lifted up, so...
There are too many meth labs in my county, so...
4 brave people lost their lives in Libya, so...
The Constitution is no longer a relevant document, so...
Congress only works 2/3 of the year (if that), so...
Nobody has taken my guns away from me, but...
There is a resurgance of racism in this country, so...
The Supreme Court is riddled with activist judges, so...
Steve Wynn's company's stock has risen nearly 400% since the 'great recession" so he says...
The United States is a pig at the trough of corporate greed and self interest, so...
Michele Obama supports gardening and exercise, so...
The Democratic Party is riddled with 'commies and socialists', so...
My 401K has increased by 75% in the past 5 years, but...
One of my choices for President in 2016 is a greasy, bully who has lost nearly 100 lbs and that should make me like him, therefore..
The national debt is lower and the deficit has been cut during the past 6 years, but...
My kid's school board President is LGBT, so...
I have healthcare for the first time in my life at an affordable price, but...
In violation of the Constitution, local militias are increasing in frightening proportions and that's because ...
Our political process is a sham, populated mostly by millionaire do-gooders with agendas different from a majority of the country, and...
Babe Ruth wasn't calling his shot in the 1934 World Series. He was shading his eyes form the sun, but...
The election next week should be a referendum on the gridlock and ugly politics rife in this country. therefore.... And I'm not smart enough to realize that that I've likely been frightened and angered by a media, unnamed corporate oligarchs and politicians who lie and face no consequence. But what the hell. It's not my fault...
Our leaders now represent and behave in the manner of the very thing we secretly fear the most-- ourselves.
I will quite likely vote against my own self interests because a television network so artfully lies to me, that I will not even hesitate. And....

 


I think that's enough for today. Please vote. Everything good and bad gets all fucked up if you don't.

More "never agains"

Let's start with any newsperson in the field (not "on the ground" {that's been banned}) who answers the talking head's question with the word, absolutely. Next one is double down. That's when you (politician) say something stupid and when you're challenged by the ludicrous nature of what you said, you show the voting public you're a person of substance and you mean what you say. So not only did you mean what you said yesterday, stupid or not, you double down on your own stupidlity because that's a trustworthy trait for a politician who won't won't change- because change is perceived as weakness.

I am hopeful that the POTUS's patented "ground game" comes out of the woodwork and fucks with all the pundits one more time, next week. Just about every poll says that will not happen. More outside money is being poured into races to make sure that the person on the ballot you want to vote against is the President.

Having said that, I think the time is long past where the voting public has an alternative to the two party system and the manner(s) in which they use the system to ensure that true independent voices are never heard. Money is a good silencer. An adoring media is another way to shitspeak the very notion of publicly funded elections and equal treatment to somebody with something other than a D or an R behind their names and titles. When you break down the numbers behind the numbers, it is clear that any system that has the approval of less than 10% of the eligible voting population should be scrapped. ---palpable sigh---

Will Kansas City stave off the Giants in game 6? I'd love to see it. I root for a team that used to be where the Royals were and it pleases me to see how the Royals were built and the patience that was shown in those players. That's the way it should be. The Yankees, Dodgers and Red Sox are prime examples of franchises that generate so much revenue, that they can go out every off season and buy the players they think will put them back in the World Series. There are notable exceptions of course and really, those are the teams that people root for. But I do love the Giants too. If they win, and that would be for the 3rd time in five years, that would be.... I'm not going to use that word.

It's smacks of a value system that is being broken down and that systemic failure is what is scaring so many people in this country. If you drive anywhere in this country and believe me I do, when you see potholed roads, crumbling bridges and depressing "same shit every 12 miles on our highway systems", you begin to understand why people don't have a grand view of the future. "Let's see, Arby's, Popeyes, Burger King, McDonald's-- I just can't make up my mind." I guess any of those will do. It's nice to have a country that's a little too slovenly, too bleary eyed and too scared to ask for a referendum that ends the monopoly of road feed that is just no good for us. So, who's it good for? You know. ---another sigh---

Time to get on a ladder and scrape shit out of the gutters. Winter will be here soon and if I don't it will be too late. When it gets all gooey and leafy, that's the stuff you put in your compost bin. The last time I emptied it, although it was 2 years in the making, I had really good black rich soil for my garden. Nothing grew but that's because of global wetting and all the rain that soaked everything. And if that wasn't the culprit, it was probably me. Or Barack Obama. 

Speaking of POTUS and I'll leave it here-- in the interest of simply getting outside your cool groove, Mr President, I think a lot of people would love it if you called a press conference, deliberately opened up your notes (no teleprompter) and just spoke from the heart: 

My fellow Americans.  Just Go fuck yourselves.  
Would you love that??? I would. 

LSM, rumors and bad beginnings.

Which stands for "lame stream media".  Here are a couple of things they are not  covering. I wouldn't be looking for them to do so either.

1. The Andinia Plan: One of Alex Jones' faves, whereby the the President of Argentina is already in cahoots with the Israeli Government, allegedly setting the stage for mass migration for Jews to the Patagonia regions of southern Argentina and Chile. Will Arabs migrate to neighboring countries so that the fun can continue?

2. A report in Business Week, on the staggering continuation of foreclosures in Wayne Country (Detroit) and an anonymous group who allegedly paid 3.2 million dollars for 6000 blighted properties.True? False? Had you heard about it? Call David Muir and tell him to get his chops sharpened. You have the right to know what entity is going to take over Detroit.

Nope. We're talking about Ebola and maybe mandatory quarantines , ISIL, the IRS, let's keep talking about Benghazi too. Apparently, the Vikings can win without Adrian Peterson. Dilma Roussef was reelected President of Brazil after a pretty heavy Twitter presence. If you own Facebook in any quantity, they report earnings after the bell today. And Jordan Matson, an ex military conscript who served two years during the glory of the Iraq war, but was never deployed in a war zone wants to use social media to recruit foreign fighters who hate the Islamic State. And he's ready to go over there to join up and get into the fight with the Kurds. And there are the rumors that Michelle Obama want to run for Senator from California in 2018, provided that Dianne Feinstein retires. That will be an awkward realtionship if Barack is hangin' in Chicago with the rest of his Saul Alinsky buddies.

Maybe one of the last bits of warm weather before the cold season. I loved the SNL parody of the Matt McConaughey commercial by Jim Carrey There is a very important election next Tuesday. But either the public is too disinterested, worn down or has been lied to so effectively, they just don't care. This election is more important than 2016. But don't tell anyone. The oligarchs and unoligarchs who are pouring frightful amounts of money into key Senate race states don't want you to know that. 

And yes, last week was not a great week in terms of people flipping out and killing other people, whether a gun, hatchet or whatever was used. Don't worry folks. It's only the beginning. And we're so fortunate to have Ann Coulter, Anderson Cooper and Pat Robertson to explain it all to us. Maybe the media isn't the only lame thing.

What did Carrey do with the booger? I think he handed it to the President and asked him to something with it. Obama gets blamed for everything else. Booger flicking would be the latest. I think Darrell Issa could chair that oversight committee. 

My little 9MM

Condolences to Joni Ernst who has brought the level of political discourse in the State of Iowa to a new low. But there's still time for her to 'drop it down a notch'.

I am pretty disappointed with several female Senate Candidates in this cycle. Ernst is clearly one of them. A former hog farmer and military geek doesn't need to point guns at laws and threaten to blow away those laws. Or gut the bloated federal government, who's subsidies she gladly accepted when she was a hog farmer. Because, "by God" she's slaughtered pigs and the government better watch cause Joni is bringing a meat cleaver to Washington. As soon as she cashes Karl Rove and David Koch's checks. 

Sorry ladies, I passionately avoid trying to say sexist things about women candidates since I think it's low-life, but this woman is an embarrassment and has some sort of Napoleon Syndrome going. I don't care for women who want to trade their parts in for those of a man because of political expediency


I have delighted in the election of many capable women who now serve in the Congress. What I don't like is when they bow to political pressure and try to run a safe campaign or just say little to nothing, certain in the knowledge that the very next day, their opponent will will say something stupid and save them the work of actually staking out policy initiatives instead of reverting to beltway talking points. 

Others on my shit list- (even though I would hold my nose and vote for them because their opponents are so much worse): and what has put them on the list ranges from expediency to gutlessness to vanilla tapioca. Unless they happen to be rethuglicans, simply because of that and what their party's platforms and commentaries and allies stand for. Democrats are a far distance below the ignorance of the GOP but still, not to be trusted. I'm not a low info Fox News voter who has special hearing for lies and dog whistles.

Or simply because they ran shitty campaigns.

Alison Lundergan Grimes Stand up to Coal and support your President
Jeanne Shaheen Who'd YOU vote for?
Terri Lynn Land You're a rethuglican and you're a tea party darling and you are out of your league
Kay Hagan  Thom Tillis is such a disaster, your race shouldn't even be very close. But you've tried to be all things to win and I really don't care for that. But you've been agressive in pointing out what a douche Tillis is so I give you a pass. And when I move to NC within 3 to 4 years, I hope you'll be  one of my Senators.


That'll do it for today. I have a busy several days coming up and might not post during that period of time. 
 

 

 
 

Slight correction

If you please and in the interest of accuracy, my dogs don't actually eat shit. Dented wiffleballs, 7 or 800 sticks, leaves, old baseballs and practically anything seen as edible, yes. But not actual shit.

We thank you.  But excuse me, gotta run. It sounds like somebody's going to barf.

Remembering not to forget.

I turn 65 this Sunday. Age is not completely a number. I am sore more than I'm not. I got a French Press so that I don't go to out for coffee everyday. Multiply about $3.00 by 365. That number is certainly significant. Most people awake to an alarm clock going off. Not me. I love that sound where my dogs (take your pick which one or the day they do it) are just starting blow lunch on the carpeting in the sleeping area. You know the sound. One of them gives a little shriek at the end. Bonus! There are so many former "wet spots" on the carpeting that a commercial rug cleaner won't even make a dent toward cleaning those. It almost looks like my living area is neglected. My dogs are the only ones who eat grass and shit out in the yard so that they can get sick and hurl.

For the 4th time this month, despite trying to be really careful about where I put my wallet and keys, I couldn't find everything. I like to be orderly since I know I'm losing brain cells by the millions each day. It's a victory to remember all my passwords, most of which are not written down. It's a test. I'd give myself a C+. Is that good enough? I don't think so. It shouldn't be acceptable to dimply remember not to forget. Most people don't talk about their reaction to the latest Depends Underwareness advertising campaign. So far, so good, although I wouldn't even want to try to thank my late mother for passing down some of her IBS syndrome to all her children. Especially me.

I have two recurring themes in life as to how I'd supplement my income. Oh yeah, the commercials about outliving your money are pretty reassuring as well. But I wanted to write two books. The first was the year long road trip I'd take to interview millions of people about how their refrigerators got decorated with all the shit they have eventually have taped or attached to it-- pictures included. But I thought it would be too close to Kramer's coffee table book project. The second, and I am reaching millions here, is to document all the times I almost didn't  find a bathroom in my daily travels- complete with all the places I've lived (how many cities and states). 

I think that's enough for today. People get embarrassed by things and they just don't want to talk about. I know this because I barely get an eye batted when I casually announce that I am going to leave a dump, not take one. This happens to everyone at one time or another.

I don't know who reads my stuff. But whatever I'm talking about, it makes me feel better that you forget stuff too, lose your wallet or keys more than you'd like and have similar stories about things you wanted to accomplish but didn't and of course the times you pissed your pants ( or worse) and never told anyone. 

Just do what I do. Try to remember not to forget. When we're gone, we're gone and those stories won't be the ones we're remembered for. 

It's just a number right? 65? I'm not going anywhere. I hope to be alternately making you laugh and cringe everyday for a long time to come. 

28 AIN'T FIFTY

OK pageviewers and fans. We didn't hit the 50 mark yesterday, so the John Prine version of Jimmy John is officially dead. 

I think I'm going to break up with Phyllis Schlafley too. She is proof that even God sometimes is looking the other way. Google her latgest gem. You know, the one about African native, Obama purposely bring the EBOLA out break to the US so we can be more like other countries in the world.*



Only in America.


*Trust me, I won't be blogging when I'm 90.