I turn 65 this Sunday. Age is not completely a number. I am sore more than I'm not. I got a French Press so that I don't go to out for coffee everyday. Multiply about $3.00 by 365. That number is certainly significant. Most people awake to an alarm clock going off. Not me. I love that sound where my dogs (take your pick which one or the day they do it) are just starting blow lunch on the carpeting in the sleeping area. You know the sound. One of them gives a little shriek at the end. Bonus! There are so many former "wet spots" on the carpeting that a commercial rug cleaner won't even make a dent toward cleaning those. It almost looks like my living area is neglected. My dogs are the only ones who eat grass and shit out in the yard so that they can get sick and hurl.
For the 4th time this month, despite trying to be really careful about where I put my wallet and keys, I couldn't find everything. I like to be orderly since I know I'm losing brain cells by the millions each day. It's a victory to remember all my passwords, most of which are not written down. It's a test. I'd give myself a C+. Is that good enough? I don't think so. It shouldn't be acceptable to dimply remember not to forget. Most people don't talk about their reaction to the latest Depends Underwareness advertising campaign. So far, so good, although I wouldn't even want to try to thank my late mother for passing down some of her IBS syndrome to all her children. Especially me.
I have two recurring themes in life as to how I'd supplement my income. Oh yeah, the commercials about outliving your money are pretty reassuring as well. But I wanted to write two books. The first was the year long road trip I'd take to interview millions of people about how their refrigerators got decorated with all the shit they have eventually have taped or attached to it-- pictures included. But I thought it would be too close to Kramer's coffee table book project. The second, and I am reaching millions here, is to document all the times I almost didn't find a bathroom in my daily travels- complete with all the places I've lived (how many cities and states).
I think that's enough for today. People get embarrassed by things and they just don't want to talk about. I know this because I barely get an eye batted when I casually announce that I am going to leave a dump, not take one. This happens to everyone at one time or another.
I don't know who reads my stuff. But whatever I'm talking about, it makes me feel better that you forget stuff too, lose your wallet or keys more than you'd like and have similar stories about things you wanted to accomplish but didn't and of course the times you pissed your pants ( or worse) and never told anyone.
Just do what I do. Try to remember not to forget. When we're gone, we're gone and those stories won't be the ones we're remembered for.
It's just a number right? 65? I'm not going anywhere. I hope to be alternately making you laugh and cringe everyday for a long time to come.
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